Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
