Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
