After last night, I could never be a politician.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize