not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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