just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
