I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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