The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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