all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
