they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
