No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize