my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
