Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
