you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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