shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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