maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
