Already got asked if we're dating
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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