No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
