Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Couch. On fire.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
