Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
