you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
