I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
