fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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