dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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