One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
