bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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