its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
