Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
