so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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