Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
