Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
