I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize