I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
