It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
