i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize