I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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