I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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