apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
