Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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