even my farts smell like vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
