my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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