You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
