I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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