the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize