you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
