Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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