STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize