I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
