I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
