Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
