He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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