I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
