Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
