His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
