people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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