You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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