Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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