absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
