Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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