i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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