I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
