There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
