i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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