I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
