i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
