i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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