You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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