there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The struggles of a small town man whore
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
