Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
