Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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