I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
