Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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