do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
