Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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