she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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